What are your best qualities?
My empathy and kindness for others.
Do you have any undesirable qualities?
I tend to procrastinate with work, family and friends and can often be stubborn (thinking I’m the right one).
What do you love the most about your body?
Its strength, to move and heal; I've always felt I had a high pain tolerance and ability to push myself physically when needed, which I know starts first with a thought from my mind, but it's my body that turns that thought to reality.
What is one of your qualities you wish shined brighter than your exterior appearance?
My depth and inner peace; I feel that strangers can look at me and think I am superficial or surface-level, but I'm proud of my awareness, capacity for others and calmness.
Tell us the story behind your scars...
I was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer (her2 positive) shortly after my 30th birthday, which had originated on my right side and spread to my left as well as lymph nodes in my right armpit. I decided that removing the tumors was best in terms of my survival and underwent a double mastectomy and axillary lymph node dissection within a month of my diagnosis. My scars are a symbol of sacrificing certain purposes of my body in exchange of removing all cancer.
What was your reaction to seeing your scar(s) for the first time?
It was hard to look at them. I was emotional, I cried and it was painful. It didn't feel like my body. I think the best description of how I felt was numb.
How has your perception of your scars evolved over time?
At first they felt foreign and like I was mutilated. I almost felt angry at the medical team for making me look like that. But after they healed and my body started to heal, I became proud of them. I didn't try to hide them or wish they were gone. They were a part of me and I embraced it, and embracing it helped me feel unashamed and comfortable with myself.
What is something you wish you could have told yourself at your most fragile state?
Trust God's plan is good for you. Trust your mom can comfort you. Don't believe you were meant to stay in this dark place. Don't believe that you're alone. I wish I could've reached down and pulled myself out.
At a younger age, what was your response when you first noticed your body changing?
I don't remember too much, but there were times when I felt like I expected something different based on seeing others, like my mom or friends at school. Like I was supposed to look like someone else.
How did those around you make you feel about these changes?
Over time, I became more and more self-conscious and unhappy with certain things about my body, at times hating them or wishing they could change.
Describe your journey with body acceptance...
I think it's very much still ongoing. I remember times in the past where I had thought I accepted my body and didn't feel anything was wrong with then, then someone popped that bubble and I fell back into underlying shame. However, strangely through my cancer and health journey and seeing the way my body's changed, I don't think I've felt ever more confident in where I am. I'm proud of the decisions I've made and healing from them, that I don't feel as much inward shame from before.
How do you incorporate self-love into your routine?
Taking care of my body: eating healthier food, getting more movement and paying attention to lifestyle improvements like sleep habits and keeping my space organized.
What about self-love are you continuing to work on?
Actively avoiding stress: if I start to feel strained or overwhelmed in a given situation or conversation, I will step back and tell myself it is not worth all the effects stress can cause on the body. Focus on my peace as the ultimate need, because in the end it's what helps keep you alive!
What lesson do you hope to instill in your children about self-love & body acceptance?
You were carefully and wonderfully designed to be just the way you are. Your body is the most incredible living thing in the history of time and gives you everything you need. Trust your body and treat it like the temple it is.
What makes you the happiest in the world?
Building community with others and experiencing that closeness, whether it's deep conversation, comfortable silence, but especially through laughter with each other.
What is the best compliment you've ever received?
You're like one of God's angels.
