What are your best qualities?
My resilience, my flexibility, and my eyelashes.
Do you have any undesirable qualities?
My anxiety, my perfectionism, my sensitivity.
What do you love the most about your body?
I love my eyes.
Tell us the story about your stretch marks and scars…
So my stretch marks and scars stem from infancy. I was born with hydrocephalus and underwent 2 intense brain surgeries at 6 and 7 months which actually resulted in a small abdominal scar from where they fed the shunt in. It was a life saving success and I have minimal brain damage, but I live with this knowledge every day that my hydrocephalus could come back again. Another reminder is my scar of course, which did not stretch as a grew and resulted in a small pouch around the scar itself.
What was your response when you first noticed your body changing?
To be honest, when I was growing and I could feel the shunt unwinding and growing with me, I thought it was kind of cool that I knew I was individual. But as I got older I only knew that I didn‘t get any skinnier in my stomach no matter how much I dieted or worked out. And it resulted in a lot of self hate. I didn‘t even consider that I had over 6 feet of tubing in my abdomen as a small barely 5‘3“ young woman.
How did those around you make you feel about these changes?
My dad made comments that if I sat as often as I did I would get fatter, and he encouraged me to go on hikes with him which he did with no food or water in an effort to lose weight (for both of us he said). And although unintentional, I had quite a few friends skinnier than me that would complain about their body image which only made me feel like a lost cause. Someone who was beyond obese even though I was literally a size medium.
Describe your journey with body acceptance.
Over the years I worked really hard not only to unlearn my unhealthy relationship with food, but to also understand exactly what is in my abdomen. In 2015 it was found that my shunt had actually broken and therefore all of the tubing is hanging out permanently in my abdomen. So now I know that not only could my stomach never be flat because of my uterus and normal organs, but also because I have extra material in there, and that has really helped my mindset in simply being proud of my body.
How do you incorporate self-love into your routine?
I try to always make food I want to eat, and to treat myself when I need. And I have recently started going to the gym and mostly strength training to move my body and feel stronger every day.
What about self-love are you continuing to work on?
I‘m still working on my mental health. Knowing my value and feeling like I am worthy of love and that I matter and that my needs and feelings matter is an ongoing battle of some core wounds I am still trying to heal.
What is one of your qualities you wish shined brighter than your exterior appearance?
I wished both myself and others could see my selflessness/my care for others before my looks. I‘m really proud to care so much about those important to me.
What lesson do you hope to instil in your children about self-love & body acceptance?
That our bodies are miracles. I have a plastic tube that saved my life for 18 years and even when it broke my body didn‘t betray me and my hydrocephalus still has not resurfaced.
What makes you the happiest in the world?
So many things. Being around people I love, being in nature, discovering new places, and meeting new people.
What is something you wish you could have told yourself in your most fragile state?
Your worth is not your resilience or your ability to tolerate pain. Your worth is you itself, you are priceless.
What is the best compliment you've ever received?
You are so strong, I have loved watching you pick yourself up and keep going even though I know you are in pain. And I so admire your ability to do that and to still be kind while you hurt.
